Strongsville Library Author Event invitation

I am excited to announce I was invited to be the guest speaker at the Strongsville Library Annual Author Event on Wednesday, August 9th, from 7:00pm-8:30pm.  The event will start with a brief library meeting, then I will be called up to speak for about 45 minutes.  I will be telling my story of love and loss — experiences that left me with a strong desire to do something good with my grief.  I will share how my journey revealed to me that life is a never-ending love story.  I will share how I discovered that love will always find a way.  There will be an opportunity for questions and comments.  And for anyone interested, I will be signing copies of my book, “Honey, I Shrunk the Grief!”. 
I would love to share in the experience with you.  The event is free and open to the public.  Registration is required by phone 440-238-5530 or on the library website
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Please help spread the word and share this invite with others. 
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With love and gratitude,
Eric

 

 

 

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Life is a Never-Ending Love Story

wedding_eric_sharon_oct2016
Just Married!!!!   Eric & Sharon / October 2016

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Our story was featured in
The Plain Dealer!!!!
(Regina Brett’s December 11, 2016 column) 
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life is a never-ending love story

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The Message in the Mess

the_message_in_the_mess

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The message in the mess is love

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HISTG Now in Paperback

I am excited to announce that my book, Honey, I Shrunk the Grief!, is now available in paperback on Amazon.  If you would like a copy for yourself or a loved one click here to order on Amazon

My book is also available on Amazon’s CreateSpace,
where I am able to offer a 10% discount (at checkout, enter code “W7L7DT4U“)

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If you live in the Cleveland area,

you can also find my book on the shelves of the following two bookstores:

LOGANBERRY BOOKS
13015 Larchmere Blvd., Shaker Heights, OH 44120
216-795-9800
eric_loganberry_pic_dec8_2016

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MAC’S BACKS BOOKS ON COVENTRY

1820 Coventry Road, 
Cleveland Heights, OH 44118
216-321-2665
eric_dec17_2016

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Some book images:
FRONT COVER
   final_front_cover_sept15_2016

BACK COVER
back_cover_display_12_29_16

FULL COVER
whole_cover_display

TABLE OF CONTENTS2table_contents

PAGE ONE
3chapter1_page1

Honey, I Shrunk the Grief!
is a 7″ x 10″ book (not too big, not too small)
with larger easy to read text and full color images
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PRAISE FOR Honey, I Shrunk the Grief!
first reviews on Amazon as of 12/30/16
(book released on 11/23/16)

With Great Admiration……
“I was privileged to be know Eric at the time of his wife’s passing, and to teach him in the last semester of his degree program and so witness his incredible fortitude, strength, generosity of spirit, and his giving nature. This book exemplifies all of those things….a remarkable documenting of his love for Julie, for David, for all the special people in his life, and indeed for life in general. His perspectives on life, love, faith, loss and subsequent recovery will no doubt be of comfort and help to others who experience similar loss. Beautifully written, laced with loving memories, humor, and many words of wisdom…….Shine on Eric!”
Steve Mitchell

Love Found its Way
“This memoir is more beautiful than I ever imagined it could be. It strikes at the very heart of what it’s like to be a widow/widower traveling down this windy road of grief. It’s a journey both intensely personal and universal. Honey I Shrunk the Grief is equal parts gut-wrenching and heart warming; a must-read for anyone who has been widowed, or who maybe just likes to read powerful testimonials of love and triumph. Eric’s heart and soul, and the very essence of his struggle as a widowed, single dad are evident throughout the book. What an uplifting journey, from start to finish. I’m so glad he found the courage to share his story with the world, and know it will prove to be a comforting one to anyone who reads it. Love certainly will ALWAYS find a way.”

Moving Story of Love, Loss & Reclaimed Love
“A book to comfort those who are grieving, as well as an inspirational read for those looking to be moved by the strength of a single father reclaiming his life after unexpected loss. Eric Vaiksnoras describes an incredible journey about coming to terms with a harsh reality we all face during this life – the death of a loved one. As a young widower, he has a choice to let his loss consume him and to lead him down a difficult road of darkness or to look for the hope in life despite the heartbreaking circumstances around his young bride’s death.
Eric proudly pronounces: Love will find a way. He is such a convincing writer. I cried, I laughed, and I smiled with tenderness while reading this story. I was convinced that Love will indeed find a way when we allow it to penetrate our hearts. My hope is that others will read “Honey, I Shrunk the Grief!” and feel the power that our outlook and choices can have on our lives no matter how difficult the journey may seem.”

The greatest love story ever told
“The greatest love story ever told! Proof that you should never stop believing! Brings out the best from deep within you and makes you believe in love again. This book will change your outlook on life and make you appreciate all that life has to offer. Truly a remarkable story and extremely well told from cover to cover. Enjoy and Believe!”
Kathy Hryb

Each human life is a journey that is like a unique experiment
“Each human life is a journey that is like a unique experiment, and we all undergo trials and difficult times during this amazing voyage. But how does a person deal with a life-shattering event that blindsides you with no forewarning? In his book, Eric Vaiksnoras engages his readers by sharing his story precipitated by such an event in a memoir that is both heartbreaking and ultimately heartwarming. He explores the many emotions he felt, ranging from despair, fear, rationalization, and eventually hope and love. He describes his struggle to cope with the hole in his life created when he so suddenly lost his wife Julie.
As he carries us along through his various perceptions and emotions, many of his actions and reactions strike a chord with me personally, and I suspect would with many other readers. He has always been a very active person, and describes his love of running and other active sports to maintain his physical and mental stamina. As a longtime runner, I can relate to the sense of accomplishment and exhilaration from completing a long peaceful run. He even uses strenuous activities to face the element of fear, a constant presence to him during this period, such as his venture to join his uncle in a skydiving expedition, described in heart-pounding detail. He also addresses the importance of more cerebral exercise, including meditation, yoga and focus on breathing awareness.
He devotes time to help us get to know Julie, most endearingly by sharing a number of cards, drawings and notes from her young students. The simple, sometimes misspelled words of children often provide more insight than a more sophisticated author could ever hope to emulate. They will always provide a memory of the love they had for their favorite teacher.
Through it all, Eric describes how he persists through his struggles to rediscover meaning and regain the motivation to move forward with is life rather than stay down or regress. This is a book that will touch your heart and remind us of the strength of the human spirit.”

an insightful story of love and loss
“A devastating, hopeful, and insightful story of love and loss. A young widower overcomes his grief and discovers that anything is possible with love. It will bring tears to your eyes, while leaving you with the powerful message that “Love will find a way.”
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Life, Death, and Relationships

(from my 6/13/16 HoneyIShrunkTheGrief.com Facebook post)

Matters of the heart…Your comments welcome:

It dawned on me today that time and time again, when listening to someone talk about what is most important to them in life (particularly during end-of-life reflections), I hear stories about people stating that “Relationships” are what they’ve come to value most.

This got me thinking about grief; specifically, the parallels I’m seeing between the most important parts of life (relationships), and the pain that is associated with death. As time passes, and I have more experiences to reflect back on, I’m realizing that, Yes, the most important parts of LIFE do indeed center around Building Relationships — with others — and with one’s self. And not only that, I’m seeing that DEATH, interestingly enough, is ALSO about Building Relationships. Transformed relationships.

In other words, LIFE is about relationship building…not only with those that are “alive”…but with those that are “dead”, too! If I make it a priority to maintain All of my relationships, I believe this act is one of the most powerful, comforting, and healing things I can do. 

Death is not the end, but rather a change — in relationship status.

So to soothe the pain from grief, I offer that one of the best things that can be done is to nurture the transformed relationship. And I don’t think this nurturing is something that needs to be done all the time in order to maintain the relationship, just as I don’t believe that I need to have excessively numerous contacts with those that are “alive” in my life. It just needs to be done when needed.

Thanks for reading my thoughts. And I’d love to hear yours. Some questions to consider…
Do you feel that maintaining your relationships in some constructive way has helped to ease any grief you’ve experienced in your life?

What is one of your favorite ways to maintain your relationship with your deceased loved one (in turn, keeping their love present and alive in your life when it’s needed)?

 

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Miracle Grow

Life is such a rich compost of goodness. I love that. We can never experience too much, for it all adds to the beauty of who we are, and what we have to offer.

 

 

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Time Travel

What song transports you through time?

I used to listen to David Gray when my son was an infant, often times while holding him close and swaying to the music, trying to comfort him during painful colicky moments. Today, whenever I hear a David Gray song, I’m instantly transported back to those special bonding moments with my son. It’s amazing how music can allow us to freely travel through time.

Here’s a newer David Gray song I recently heard on the radio titled, “Back In The World”. I really enjoyed it. His familiar sound caught my attention, and I especially loved the upbeat, soothing rhythm and inspiring lyrics:

“Every day when I open my eyes now
It feels like a Saturday
Taking down from the shelf
All the parts of myself
That I packed away
If it’s love put the joy in my heart
Is it God by another name
Who’s to say how it goes
All I know is
I’m back in the world again

Like the lift of a curse
Got a whole different person
Inside my head
No more trudging around
Stony eyed through the town
Like the living dead no
It’s love that lifts us from the dark
Is it God by another name
Who’s to say how it goes
All I know is
I’m back in the world again
Back in the world again

It’s the only way to be
It’s the only way to be
I’m naked like a tree
It’s the only way to be
I’m naked like a tree
It’s the only way to be

Less than sand on the beach
Staring into the reaches of space and time
I’m singing out words
But the voice that I hear
It seems barely mine
If it’s love put the song in my heart
Is it God by another name
Who’s to say how it goes
All I know is
I’m back in the world again
Who’s to say how it goes
All I know is
I’m back in the world again
Back in the world again

It’s the only way to be
It’s the only way to be
I’m naked like a tree
It’s the only way to be

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Heart and Strategy

(from my 9/4/15 HoneyIShrunkTheGrief.com Facebook post)southpaw

I went to see the Southpaw movie last night. It was hard to watch at times; it had a lot of tough scenes I connected deeply to that were centered around parenthood and loss. As uncomfortable as those moments were, I enjoyed feeling a connection to the story — as any story is much more meaningful when I’m able to relate to it. The movie was brutal at times, but appealed to the fighter in me. I enjoyed how the main character changed as a boxer, initially from one who was wild and reckless, to one who became more tactical.

After leaving the theater I began thinking about the character’s transformation, which lead to the following questions:

When is it best to use heart?
vs.
When is it best to use strategy?

I suppose the answer largely depends on the situation, but that thought leaves me wanting more. Upon further reflection, the most satisfying response for me is one that involves the blending of both heart and strategy. And I think it’s this idea of blending that best sums up the movie for me; it illustrates the unstoppable force that is created when heart and strategy become one…a force that, win-or-lose, will always result in a fulfilling outcome.

 

 

 

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Blessed Anniversary

(from my 6/10/14 HoneyIShrunkTheGrief.com Facebook post…revisited and posted here exactly one year later; in honor of today being the anniversary of our wedding day)

love you

Eric & Julie — June 10, 2000

A friend just sent me the kindest text message. One that let me know that he was thinking of me today (My wedding anniversary is today; Julie and I were married on 6/10/00). Friends are the best! His text lit me up inside…with thoughts about Julie and Heaven. I sent him a text reply back. It all felt so good to think about and write that it made me want to share it with you; so that’s what I decided to do. I hope it brings you some warmth too.
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(my reply to my friend)
“…those are some Really heartwarming thoughts on heaven. Eternal paradise. What a glorious Finish Line awaits us! I ran a lot of races on a track when I was growing up. So my mind is picturing life as a track…with each of us running our own race…passing others at times…and sometimes getting passed. But it makes no difference what place we finish in. The important thing is that we existed. Ran. Experienced. Got to love & be loved. I picture angels in the stands — rowdy&exhilarated angels — cheering us on with such reassurance…reassurance that we are ok…reassurance that heaven is proud of us for trying & loving. i picture God in multiple places….God is in the stands high-up in the announcers booth, where he can see all. And i picture & feel God on the track, running alongside each of us. i can also picture & feel him with those that are not running…those that are watching…those that are stretching and waiting. I picture &feel him as a gentle coach. gentle not-as-in weak…but the kind of gentleness that can move mountains…the kind of gentleness that comes from knowing…knowing that it’s worth it…knowing that everything is going to be ok…. gloriously ok! what warm thoughts to start this day with. THANK YOU, Robert. YOU are an eternal blessing. Yes you are. HAPPY to run with you. &HAPPY to run with Julie. We were married 14years ago today! She crossed her finish line 10 years ago…yet i know that she didn’t leave with any kind of ill intent. She left because she was faster than me! I also know that she is still close by cheering me on…and able to run by my side at a moments notice…during special days of celebration like this one…and during moments when i cramp-up and feel defeated, confused &fed up. During tough times I feel that God’s grace allows her to gently nudge me forward. During all times i feel incredibly blessed to have been given an opportunity to experience all the sensations that this world has to offer. &During all times i feel incredibly blessed for what awaits me at the finish line. THANK YOU for remembering this special day. THANK YOU for your friendship.”

 

 

 

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Proud Daddy

(from my 6/4/15 HoneyIShrunkTheGrief.com Facebook post)

I’m so proud of David; my elementary school graduate!! I can hardly believe how fast the time went. Thankfully memories linger much longer than any given present moment does; in so many ways he’ll always be my little sparkling Kindergartner. I’m feeling so much…mostly gratitude for this milestone. It feels like a reminder to continue to cherish every day I have with him — because in the blink of an eye the days become years!

 

 

 

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Heavenly Birthday

(from my 5/3/14 HoneyIShrunkTheGrief.com Facebook post …revisited and posted here exactly one year later, in honor of today being Julie’s 39th birthday.  Love you, Julie!  Happy Birthday!)

birthday_pic_may2015
I wonder how they celebrate birthdays in heaven?  I bet it’s quite an event!  Julie turns 38 today, and I can’t help but wonder what she’s doing.  Does God lead everyone in a great big singing of “Happy Birthday”?  I wonder what that sounds like?  I bet it’s like hearing a child’s laughter, the ocean, crickets chirping, a cat purring, a drum line, a beating heart, a deep cleansing breath, wind rustling through the trees, Tesla’s “Love Song”(!) …and every other earthly majestic sound — all rolled into one.  I hope God presents Julie with a song that is better than any gift imaginable.  One that makes her feel significant, and as free as ever.  So much of life seems to involve some sort of advancement towards freedom.  I hope her birthday gift is one that fills her with unimaginable freedom.  And I hope God allows her to share it with you.
How do you think they celebrate birthdays in heaven?

 

beautiful song…

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World’s Greatest Magic Trick

(from my 4/26/14 HoneyIShrunkTheGrief.com Facebook post…revisited and posted here today, 3/31/15, in honor of today being Julie’s 11-year memorial day.  Love you, Julie!  Miss you!  And thank you for remaining an ultra-loving part of my life)


“Love reveals death’s illusion.”

Those words just came to mind and inspired this post. For I’ve come to view Death as one of life’s greatest magicians. Death can (unintentionally, I believe) trick its audience into fearing that horrifying things have occurred. But I’m learning that it’s all a great big illusion. Death does not separate, destroy, and bring one to the ground broken-hearted and in tears. It’s the illusion that does. The illusion-of-death tricks us into believing that it robbed us of what we live for — Love.

Death, at least at first impression, feels like a performer with an incredibly warped, sick, twisted sense of humor; a performer who feeds off of fear and pain. But, I’m finding that the kicker, and beauty, is that this form of death cannot exist if one doesn’t give power to one of this world’s most believable tricks: “the illusion that a loved one — that love — is gone”.

I’m here to declare, to myself, and anyone else interested, that this form of death is bogus. This first impression that is so easy to believe is all a sham. Death is confusing, and convincing — but my heart is, and knows, better. The saving grace and truth is: if I want to connect to a loved one soulfully (the best kind of connection in my opinion), I can do so — at anytime — and in countless ways.

The only trouble is, when in the midst of going through a tragedy, I also recognize that it’s extremely difficult to not be fooled by death’s illusion. Death can be so confusing that it can even make pain feel comforting and sought after…because…well, I don’t know why, but I’ve experienced it so I know it to be true. Maybe pain has the ability to be comforting because it’s distracting. It distracts from the scary, new, and unknown. It distracts from the magician’s trick of “sawing someone in half”…a trick that leads us to believe in the worst. It’s difficult not to buy into this painful version of the experience, even if we know better and realize we’re at a magic show. It’s difficult not to believe that our loved one is gone…because we can feel them sawed, cut — separated — from us. So maybe pain is necessary because it numbs, teaches, and allows for growth…adjustment. I don’t know.

But I do know that love will come to the rescue. Love will show death’s performance in slow motion, and from numerous angles. Love will calm and reveal…and expose what I believe to be one of this life’s greatest truths: Death does not have to be feared…death does not have to destroy, abandon. For death is simply a change, a transformation, that allows the essence of us — love — to become something even more beautiful. Death gives the griever, and the deceased (for lack of a better word), an incredible gift — powerful wings with even greater capability. In turn, making death, as holy and as beautiful as life…as birth. Because death is not the end, but rather a limitless continuation.

 

 

 

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Bird Clouds

(from my 5/16/14 HoneyIShrunkTheGrief.com Facebook post)
bird_clouds_may2014

David and I went to the pet store after school today and were admiring these two parakeets. He told me he sees clouds in them. I did too once he pointed it out. Beautiful birds. And beautiful son

 

 

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Dancing Giraffe Eating Blueberries

(from my 1/15/15 HoneyIShrunkTheGrief.com Facebook post)blueberry_giraffe

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“It’s a dancing giraffe eating blueberries!…and I painted it!” a bright-eyed 2nd grader announced to me during class.
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I couldn’t have been more impressed and asked if I could take a picture of it, to look at whenever I needed a lift.
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“Sure!” he quickly replied, looking like the most giving creature on earth.
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“Want to know why his face is blue?” he impatiently asked, hardly able to wait for my response.
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“Yes,” I said, “why is it blue?”
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And with a beauty and sincerity that is so hard to find anywhere beyond childhood, he excitedly shared, “Because I messed up and got blue on his face when I was painting the sky. But then I decided to make him even better!…by adding more blue and having him eating Blueberries!”
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“Wow!” I said, “That was such a wonderful idea! I love it!!”
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He seemed to inherently recognize the beauty in his act, and he walked away glowing. And he left me glowing too — because his love of life recharged my soul — and because I felt incredibly comforted knowing that he had a gift that would serve him well in this world. I just pray that he never outgrows it. But if he ever does (because it happens to the best of us), I pray that he too has a child someday remind him that all catastrophes…big and small…can be made beautiful, if you add some love and creativity.

 

 

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~   ~   ~   ~   ~   ~   ~
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10 Years

(posted on my HoneyIShrunkTheGrief Facebook page on 3/31/14)

 

In loving memory
JULIE S. VAIKSNORAS
May 3, 1976 – March 31, 2004

Today is the 10th anniversary of Julie’s death.
She died early in the morning, shortly after midnight.
Late last night, around the same time that she died, I found myself needing to relive the final moments of her death. I thought about them in great detail. They were the most painful, messy, ugly moments of my life.
When I woke this morning, I felt a sense of renewal. I also felt a lot of energy that needed to come out, so I decided to go for a run. The run felt really good. During it I was reflecting on why I relived those final moments last night. They hurt so bad — like her death was happening all over again. I concluded that for me it was healing to retell those experiences. They need to be retold at times. They happened, and they too deserve to be recognized. I also realized that as painful as her death was, reliving that moment last night allowed me to face today with continued hope.
More than anything, I am feeling the need to softly proclaim, “I love you, Julie.”
More than anything, I am feeling the need to loudly proclaim, “I love you, Julie!”
I feel like climbing the tallest mountain and shouting it to the world, but that’s not realistic. So I’ll shout it from this Facebook mountain instead.

“I love you, Julie”
today and always

 

 

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Water

I find that some of my most enlightening thoughts occur while I’m in the shower (does this happen to you?). This shower/”ease of thought” connection dawned on me a few years ago, and I have since been marveling at its occurrence. I wonder how it all works? Is it the temperature of the water that sparks creative thinking? Does the use of various left and right body movements, that are necessary to wash, cause different regions of the brain to fire in a way that promotes an ease of thought? Or maybe it’s all due to some sort of feel-good endorphin that gets released — the body’s way of encouraging and rewarding us for bathing? Or maybe I function optimally during these times because I’m surrounded by what I am so largely composed of, water?

I was curious and just did a quick internet search to find out what percentage of the human body is made up of water. I found out that the answer ranges from about 55%-78%. It varies and depends on body composition, whether you’re a male (60% water) or female (55% water), and what stage of life you’re in (infants are made up of about 78% water, and adults 55-60% water).
(percentages were taken from http://water.usgs.gov/edu/propertyyou.html)

It all fascinates me, and I very much appreciate the effect that water has…so much so that a shower sometimes even feels beyond-this-world or holy to me. On a related note, someone once told me that they like to look at the showers that they take as a form of baptism. That thought has always captivated me. Water is filled with such life, hope, and direction.

And interestingly enough, I just read that Earth is made up of 71% water — a percentage that’s almost identical to the percentage of water that’s in the human brain and heart (73% water) — another example that illustrates to me that everything is related and connected, All Are One.
So maybe that’s why water feels so good, because it allows me to more easily connect the physical parts of myself to the physical parts of this world.

Life is filled with so many cool things that beg to be noticed and explored.

Happy showering!

 


 

 

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Heavenly Heart

(the following was posted on my HoneyIShrunkTheGrief Facebook page on 2/22/14)

sun_heart_feb22_2014

We’ve had so many cloud covered days in Cleveland lately, that today’s sunshine and blue sky feels exceptionally wonderful. And to top the day off, I woke up to a captivating image of a single heart shining onto our living room floor. I was perplexed at first, and then realized that the image was created from the light passing through the glass in our front door onto our living room carpet. The heart didn’t last long, but stayed around long enough for me to grab my camera and snap a quick pic. Made me smile really big. It’s wild how much joy a small and short lived heart could bring to my day. So often it’s the little things in life that make such a big difference.

 

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Breathing & Mojo — Groovy Baby!

(the following was posted on my HoneyIShrunkTheGrief Facebook page on 2/22/14)

groovy_baby_feb22_2014

Here’s some encouragement I recently heard at a yoga class:
“Ride the wave of your breath. All there is left to do, is breathe.”

Isn’t that groovy? I really like that thought and the imagery and peace that it brings. It amazes me how breathing can play such a big role in how I feel. Too often I forget what an effective reset-button an awareness of my breathing offers me.

Do you share in my appreciation of this subject?  If so, and if you’re in the mood for a bit more of a reflection on breathing, scroll down to the 3rd section of Chapter 9 of my book (titled “Breathing/Imagery”)

 

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Startling Bump Band-Aid

(the following was posted on my HoneyIShrunkTheGrief Facebook page on 2/12/14)

I witnessed a really beautiful thing today. A 5yr old boy got accidentally bumped at school.  The contact didn’t cause an injury, but the young boy became very distraught, stood motionless, and began to cry.  A classmate of his saw his sadness and quickly went and grabbed her pink fleece sweatshirt.  She then ever-so-gently used it to swab the big tears that were rolling down his face.  I stood watching in awe.  She smiled in the most heartwarming and angelic way, then held her sweatshirt to her own cheek, snuggled against it, and — as if to explain its magic — said, “it’s really soft”.  The boy stopped crying and smiled back.  The three of us stood close together and time seemed to stand still.  At that moment, it felt like the world couldn’t have been a more perfect place.
Wanted to share this with you, because life sure is full of startling bumps, and I thought you too might find some comfort in this little girl’s big heart and soft sweatshirt.

 

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Turning 40

I’m 40 years young(?!) today. Can hardly believe it. Life sure is a sneaky thing. It often seems to poke along, yet at the same time somehow flies by. How can I already be turning 40?! That means I’ve lived through the Earth traveling around the sun 40x!! Yikes!, I guess I’ve been around the solar block a few times!! Yet it seems like in the not-too-distant past, I was just a boy, riding my Big Wheel tricycle and playing tag with the neighborhood kids in front of the house I grew up in…or turning 14 and getting my moped license — what a sense of freedom that was!…or turning 18 and graduating high school and getting accepted to KSU…or dropping out of KSU a year later to attend a local community college to become a policeman…or dropping out of the community college to work full time for a home improvement company…or turning 19 and getting my motorcycle license…or turning 23 and going by myself on a big road trip around the U.S. — driving south to New Orleans, west to L.A., north to Seattle, and east back to Cleveland — in my little oil burning but faithful 5-speed Honda CRX hatchback with 140K miles…or turning 24 and meeting Julie — and quickly knowing that I wanted a life with her in it…turning 26 and getting married!…turning 29 and returning to KSU and completing my bachelors and masters teaching degrees…turning 29 and becoming the father of David; what a day that was!!…turning 30 and becoming a widower; what a day that was…turning 33 and starting to write my HISTG book, to find the love in grief…turning 38, building a website and releasing HISTG online — one of the most daring things I’ve ever done…turning 39 and starting my teaching career as a substitute teacher (Kindergarten – 5th grade); working with a class full of wide-eyed and energetic young ones can also be quite daring! lol…and incredibly fulfilling. And now add turning 40 to the list! So many memories. The ones above just scratch the surface. Life is quite an experience! Full of heartbreak and rejoicing…and everything in between. And I’m far from done. I’m still as curious and enthusiastic as ever, and am ready for more — so bring it on! Join me in a toast?…and raise a glass for all…in celebration of life, laughter, and love…and to today being the dawn of something spectacular! Cheers!!

 

 

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Emotions

Emotions are interesting aren’t they? Everything we each feel is valid…yet, some emotions seem to be more valuable…or at least more sought after? Why? I guess maybe because it’s natural to have some chosen state-of-mind to work towards? A goal of sorts, a vision of some internal state, that we patiently and not so patiently work towards maintaining/achieving. It seems that many people, myself included, strive to keep an inner climate of peace, happiness, and balance. I feel closest to my truest self when I’m in that state…so that’s probably the biggest reinforcing component of it all for me. But does that mean that “negative” or “darker” emotions aren’t as valuable? It has me curious and wanting to explore the subject.
I do think that negative emotions are as valuable, yet I recognize that I usually don’t feel good when I have them, or at least feel some sense of caution…so even though I think they’re valuable and “equal”, I generally wouldn’t say that I like or seek to have them…but yet I realize that it’s not healthy to try and avoid them either. It seems that life, whether we like it or not, needs to expose us to all emotions. Maybe life does this to give us an opportunity to be friends with them all?…so that we can learn to walk with them all?…and be less afraid?…because we’ve experienced them…have a better understanding of them…and thus have learned to do cool things with their energy…productive things that help us to live out our dreams?
As I sit here and reflect on all this, I’m finding myself visualizing a bunch of color related scenes. I’m seeing a big wall of those multi-colored swatches that are located in the paint section of a home improvement store…I’m seeing an artist holding a big palette filled with wet colorful paint…I’m seeing a vibrant rainbow…I’m seeing the inside of Mammoth Cave, in Kentucky, the part where the tour guide turned off the flashlight and it was pitch black — a memorable and intriguing moment because there was a complete absence of light…I’m seeing moving shadows on the sidewalk…a night sky…twinkling stars. If emotions are anything like the colors and visions that surround me, they must all have importance. Without one, we could not experience the other. Without darkness we could not experience the glory of light; and without light, we could not experience the glory of darkness.
I recently overheard an adult tell a child, “you can’t be feeling that way, you’re only 7 years old”. I’m sure I’ve said or felt something similar before…and I’m in no way trying to pick-on this adult, as I’m certain that they responded in this way because they were just sad and concerned for the welfare of the child, but the adult’s reaction really made an impact on me and got me thinking. Of course the child can feel that way, because that’s what the child was feeling! Even though the child is only 7, the difficulty that they were having was very real…so no matter what they were feeling, that feeling becomes real…and if it’s real for that person, even if they are a child, then discounting that emotion, or any emotion, will likely not be of comfort…and perhaps even add to a sense of fear in that child whenever they experience a similar emotion in the future.
So much of life seems to be about acceptance. Maybe emotions fit into this too? Maybe being more accepting of all emotions would lead to even more feelings of the peace and balance I strive for. I think part of the reason accepting all emotions is difficult to do is because it’s hard to be in pain…hard to suffer…and hard to see others in pain. And to make matters even more challenging, sometimes pain or discomfort can become the norm, and then perceptions can be altered…and it becomes more difficult to distinguish between actually being comfortable with an unhealthy norm (because it feels familiar) vs. being comfortable with the desired state of balance that I long to maintain through loving communications with myself and others.
Ok, I’m gonna close now, need to put all this on the back burner to cook a little longer. Thanks for listening. Hope you’re enjoying your ride, and your emotions.

p.s. I watched a thought provoking movie last night called “Seeking A Friend For The End of The World”. It starred Steve Carell and Keira Knightley. Did anyone see it? It’s a dark but heartwarming comedy that explores what people do when humanity’s last days are at hand (the beginning of the movie opens with a radio broadcast that announces an asteroid will collide with the Earth in 3 weeks, and life on Earth will cease to exist). I really enjoyed the movie. It reminded me that my time here is limited; and reminded me of the importance of relationships and connecting soulfully with others. I mention this movie for the reasons listed above…and because I think the movie is largely responsible this post…for me reaching out to you now…which I’m grateful for.

p.p.s. after re-reading this post, I’d like to add a bit more before sending it on its way. I think I’ve figured out the biggest question I was asking myself, and asking you…
How do you comfortably experience every emotion??…while not running from or avoiding the emotions that feel yucky (running out of fear of discomfort, or out of fear of being consumed by the yucky ones)?
For me, I’m thinking the answer lies in staying curious and exploring the yucky ones as fully, and as comfortably as I can…while realizing that some level of discomfort with some emotions is probably very natural and to be expected. And like with any other reoccurring thing in life, I bet my ability to be comfortable with a wide range of emotions will continue to grow with successes over time…and greater peace will be achieved as I become more confident in my realization that the energy and power from even the yuckiest of emotions will always be at my disposal. With practice, this energy can be harnessed and transformed into useful things…things that can contribute to anything that’s important to me…allowing me to turn any of my darkness and hurt into building blocks — valuable resources that I can use to build my own custom staircase to heaven…my very own bonsai tree of sorts. Resources that are — even in their rough and unfinished building material form — sparkly glimpses of heaven in this very present moment.
There’s my 2 cents. Thanks again for listening and sharing your time with me. That felt good to get out. And I hope it in some way added to your tool box. And some final questions for you to ponder privately. Or feel free to respond below if you’d like.
What does your emotional heaven — or desired internal state — look like? Do you feel free to experience any emotion? Is it good to experience all emotions? Are there times when it’s not? When you’re feeling sad or stuck, what kind of helpful and empowering things do you do to free yourself?

 

 

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The Giving Tree


Here is a pic of a neighborhood tree that recently received a massive trimming. It’s located in front of a local school that is being renovated. Most of the trees in front of the school were completely cut down. This one was older and spared, but it still had many of its branches cut off. I imagine this was necessary because it grew too close to nearby power lines. This tree is special to me for a few reasons. When I go running, sometimes my son and the neighborhood kids will join me and ride alongside on their bikes. When we arrive at this tree, one of our favorite things to do is to take a break and climb it, and hang out together in its welcoming branches. And when I go running by myself, I often stop at the tree to do chin-ups — on a particular branch that’s strong and at the perfect height. I feel good when I’m active, and I think I associate many of those feelings with this tree. So when it recently received a massive trimming, it felt significant to me and made me sad. When I would look at it, it didn’t seem the same. It seemed hurt. It might sound crazy to hear, but when I would touch the tree before jumping up to do my chin-ups, I noticed myself pausing to give the tree a comforting touch, as if I was touching a wounded person and offering some kind of healing energy.
Yesterday my son and I drove passed the tree. I was about to express my sadness to him, when he excitedly interrupted and exclaimed how he loves what happened to the tree. He was all excited because he said that it looks like the moon now! Wow, perspective is such a powerful thing. Here I was about to express how sad I was feeling for the tree…for myself?…and here he was loving the change.
I did my pull-ups on the tree this morning and saw it in a completely new light. As I approached it, I marveled at the giant crescent shaped moon that now filled my horizon. When I jumped up to grab onto my familiar pull-up branch, I did so with admiration and appreciation for the tree, and not sympathy — and I couldn’t help but feel the tree smiling back at me. This tree got all chopped up and altered, yet somehow became even more beautiful in my eyes.
The giving tree. And the giving son.
Feeling grateful this morning.
How is life making you more beautiful?

 

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Young at heart

love this video
the world is so full of wonder and adventure
when seen through the eyes of a child
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The Power Of Tears

Tears.  Was just deep in thought thinking about tears.  Where do they come from?  And what are they capable of?
I watched a cool scene in a movie the other day with my son.  A fallen tear from a phoenix quickly healed a deadly wound on the main character’s forearm.  It was just a movie, and I’ve yet to see a teary-eyed-phoenix-rescue in real life, but the scene came to mind just now when I was thinking about the power of tears.  Maybe tears can heal deadly wounds?  Maybe they can heal the world’s deepest injuries?
My guess is, that the main ingredient in tears, is love.  I wonder what would happen if whenever I cried, I put some tears on my finger, and then traced them over my heart, or over whatever was hurting.  I wonder if this action would help to complete the love/tear connection.  I’m going to try to remember to do this the next time I cry.
Do you do anything healing with your tears?  Do they simply get wiped away on your shirt or the back of your hand?…that’s where most of mine go.  I know for me just having them usually feels cleansing enough without any further action taken…but I do like the idea of putting them on whatever hurts.  I’m going to try it and see what happens.
Thanks for listening, and I hope any tears you shed in life help to water your soul.

 

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Hot Air Balloon Excitement

I was part of a team that helped set-up, chase, recover, and put-away a hot air balloon yesterday.  And a friend actually got to ride in it!  Was a really captivating experience for all.  I was surprised to hear the passengers say that it wasn’t windy — even as they traveled at heights of 1,400 feet!  The pilot explained that the sensation was due to the fact that they were moving with the wind, so there was no wind to feel.  How cool is that?!  Maybe life is like that.  Maybe when we don’t want to feel life’s resistance, we simply have to move with life.  This experience also reminded me how helpful it is to have friends.  The riders could not have flown had it not been for us following after them in a car.  I learned that a hot air balloon can only be controlled to go up and down, but not left or right, so each ride ends at an unknown location.  Without some ground support, the riders would be stuck wherever they landed.  Thank goodness for friends who watch out for us and have our back — allowing us to soar when it’s our turn!  Life is such a team effort.

Inflating the balloon
A view inside during inflation, while standing on the ground at the top of the balloon
Preparing for flight
I took this pic on the ground. I was helping to hold down the basket as the pilot was making some final adjustments. The heat and the sound of the burner was startling and incredible…as was the view looking up into the giant balloon.  
Those of us standing on the ground and helping to hold onto the basket were instructed to let go.  As soon as we did the balloon ascended so quickly and effortlessly!
Everything was so quiet and time seemed to stand still.
Up, up, and away!
I bet the view from up there was spectacular!
The landing and retrieval
Such a picturesque and memorable moment.  There’s something so magical about any kind of balloon…they bring out the dreamer in me

 

 

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Love and Be Loved

I’m having a quiet and reflective moment this Sunday afternoon and felt like sharing some love with you. Was thinking about life and all its uncertainties. Scary at times for sure, but also full of excitement. Who knows what tomorrow brings? I’m learning to be better at not knowing. It’s hard because I like to feel like I’m in control. It feels safe to be in control. But I’m learning that so much of life, perhaps all of life, is way beyond my control. Strangely, that realization is bringing me much more peace than panic. Life is teaching me that it’s not about control, it’s about loving and being loved. I’m sharing these intimate thoughts publicly with you now because it feels like a declaration of sorts, and a reminder to me of how I want to live my life. I’m also sharing these thoughts because I believe it is the best I have to offer. Love is the best I have to offer. Loving thoughts lead me to loving actions. And loving actions have always led to unmatched feelings of fulfillment — feelings I’ve found cannot be replicated through any other means. Love to me feels like the ultimate and most impenetrable circle. It is a loosely yet somehow tightly woven fabric of giving and receiving. Love fills me with hope and strength, and little by little, is helping me to put down my guard, to give up control, to revel in fear, and to face each day more and more unarmed. Thanks for listening to all my mushy thoughts about love. They help me to breathe easier. I hope they bring some good to your life too. And if you’re in the mood, I’d love to hear about a loving moment in your day, or any thoughts you have that nourish your soul. Happy Sunday everyone.

 

 

 

 

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To The Bat OatMeaL?!

Here’s a fun pic of my son’s latest breakfast creation.
It’s a new means of superhero tableware transportation.

He’s making me laugh by running around and shouting,
“To the BaT OatMeaL!!

 

live, laugh, and love :)

 

 

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Eric Copperfield

That’s me in the pic!…dazzling the crowd! Lol…in my homemade top hat and red cape…with my mom working as my assistant!

My mom was scanning some old pics this morning and just emailed this one to me. Gave me the biggest smile! I have such fond memories of the little magic shows I performed as a kid.

Do you have a hobby or any kind of special talent from your childhood that makes you feel good to think about? Would love to hear about it!
(If you’d like to leave a comment, feel free to leave one below, or within the identical post on my FB page)  

 

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A Penny For My Thoughts

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My son has this little electronic coin bank. You drop change into its lid, and it has a digital display that keeps a running total of how much change has accumulated. He’s had it for a few years, and the bank was nearly full. He was curious as to if the current $47.00 total was accurate, so he unscrewed the lid and dumped all the change onto the floor and asked me if I’d help him fill it up again. I agreed and sat down with him. We each grabbed a handful of change and took turns dropping one coin at a time into the lid. We got into a nice little rhythm and the time quickly passed. At one point I stopped to look down at the electronic display and was shocked — it read $80.00!…and we weren’t even done yet, we still had a pile of coins left on the floor! I turned to my son and said, “Wow, change sure does add up!” This took me down a reflective path that got me thinking more deeply about change…life’s change…and all of life’s coins that are dropped into me. I looked at the tarnished pennies on the floor and thought about all the imperfections I had experienced in my life. I then thought about how even the imperfect coins that were being dropped into the bank, added to the total; some of the coins sure were ugly looking and far from ideal, but they were just as valuable, and contributed just as much as the shiny coins did. I smiled because seeing this made it easier for me to accept the idea that ugly things in my life have a purpose…and that purpose, although often unknown and understood, is a good one — everything is adding to me. Life sure is full of change. With every passing moment it seems my digital display is changing. And I’m sure I’m not alone, I bet yours is constantly changing too. No wonder why we’re all a little nuts?! Lol Change can be hard to process because we’re constantly being presented with new perspectives. I think about being a parent, and how just when I get used to my son being one age, and behaving in a certain way — he grows, matures, changes…and presents me with a slightly different version of himself. I too of course, am changing alongside him. Our relationship with each other, and with everything, is constantly evolving and changing, because it is never quite the same as it is in this moment. And when I think of change, one of my favorite things to think about is a caterpillar, and how its change enables it to grow wings and fly. Another powerful example to me that change is everywhere, and change is working for us. I’d even bet all the coins in my son’s bank, that each of our changes are giving us our own set of wings.

 

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Embrace The Shake

Inspiring video!
EMBRACE THE SHAKE (Phil Hansen TED Talk)
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2:24  “Embracing the limitation can actually drive creativity”
4:22  “We need to first be limited in order to become limitless”
7:39  “I found myself in a state of constant creation thinking only of what’s next and coming up with more ideas than ever”
8:20  “learning to be creative within the confines of our limitations is the best hope we have to transform ourselves, and collectively, the world”
9:15  “limitations may be the most unlikely of places to harness creativity, but perhaps, one of the best ways to get ourselves out of ruts, rethink categories, and challenge accepted norms”
9:30  “and instead of telling each other to “seize the day”, maybe, we can remind ourselves everyday to “seize the limitation”
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The TED.com video referenced above can be found here:
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Uplifting & tearful hospice visit

(3/18/13)
David and I volunteer for hospice and went to the nursing home this evening to visit with our friend. We’ve visited with her for months now and have gotten pretty close. In spite of the circumstances, we almost always end up having uplifting conversations. Today we read a children’s book together about two bunnies who fell in love. She sat quietly in her bed as she took in the bright illustrations and listened to the sweet story. Afterwards, she had the warmest smile, and a far off gaze, and I could tell that she was thinking back about a fond memory. She went on to tell me how much she loves the way a child’s eyes look when they are being read to. Funny, I was thinking the same thing about her eyes as I was reading to her. Then we chatted about other things. I asked her, “how are you feeling?” I often cringe when I ask this question, because I fear that someday someone’s going to tell me, “how the heck do you think I’m feeling??…I feel horrible…I’m going to die soon!” I fear that someone will think I’m being insensitive…when in reality, I’m asking because I care and want to know if there’s anything I can do to make them more comfortable. So with hesitation, I ask, “how are you feeling?”…and my dying friend looks at me with this twinkle in her eye and playfully says, “with my fingers!” I start laughing and laughing. She starts laughing. And glowing. I tell her, “I love that…I’ve never heard that before!” “Oh yes,” she says, “we used to say stuff like that all the time. I have a bunch of ’em.” She tells me she likes to make people laugh. And she looks so proud that she still has it in her. She sips her coffee (oh how she loves her coffee), and with the most content and reassuring smile on her face, she tells me, “it’s weak…but it’s still good”
“Yes,” I think to myself, “yes you are.”
We say our good-byes. I know it won’t be long now, and I’ve learned to make good-bye’s count. The three of us have been very fortunate to have had lots of these types of good-byes — meaningful ones that you don’t take for granted. I don’t know how many more we’ll get. Hard. I think the only way I can continue to do this type of work is because I can feel myself grow in a powerful way during these visits. I think it’s because I can feel a sparkly piece of her attaching to me…a piece of her that will live on in me forever. And in David. And now in you. So that comforts me, and brings me peace, and makes me smile…even during times like this…when there are big tears rolling down my face.

 

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The Blind Painter

When I look at this blind artist’s paintings, I get the feeling that in many ways, he has more vision than a person who can see. It fascinates me how being without, can offer as much, or more, than being with.
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“No Thoughts” by John Bramblitt
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Here’s a feel good video that tells his story. It’s about a remarkable young blind man who, of all things, paints. In spite of losing his sight from numerous seizures, he found a way to use his other gifts to help him paint and re-connect with the world. He relies on his other senses to create striking images in his mind…rich and layered images that he has learned to transfer to canvas, by touch. His unique and creative form of painting gives him a valuable and healing gift — another way to communicate.
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This story reminds me of grief. Much of the pain I felt during my darkest days was directly related to the devastating sense of change that comes from death — in particular, the sudden loss of communication that death brings. But as I continue to discover other ways to communicate with my deceased loved ones (through writing, art, music, nature, etc), I become happier and less afraid of death. I attribute this to the fact that it’s very comforting to know that I’m capable of connecting with anyone I love — anytime I need to. Like John, I just have to turn to my creative side, and use my other gifts, to find other ways to communicate.
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Click below to view a fascinating video of John Bramblitt’s story
titled: 
“The Documentary” 

 

Here’s another painting of John’s that I really like…


“So He Won’t Break” by John Bramblitt
(click here for more info on this artist and painting)
The following description was taken from the artist’s website. Here’s what John has to say about this painting:
“Based on the song from The Black Keys the color for this painting, as all of my music paintings, comes directly from the music. When I hear music I see color; it actually turns out to be in a very consistent way. ‘D’ notes for instance appear to me as a reddish color – the intensity depending on how it is played, and how it is used in conjunction with other notes. I have had people who follow my music paintings actually be able to play songs on a guitar just by ‘reading’ the notes across the painting. More than just a note for note translation though; the painting tries to capture the feeling of hearing the music during that particular performance. A painting of a live performance would differ if I went back and experienced the performance again. There would be a lot of similarities because the music is basically the same, but the feeling and atmosphere of a performance changes every time in subtle ways, and this would affect the painting. I loved the raw feeling of this song, and the way that this type of rock flows, but also has an almost impromptu feel to it. I selected the particular panel carefully for this piece so that the defects in the wood would show through. A crack runs horizontally down the painting (this is a superficial crack, and the reason I chose to use this panel for this piece), and in places the wood grain is allowed to show through. I liked the roughness that this adds to the overall structure of the piece – rock is individual, sometimes rough, but always stands out. I felt this painting should do the same.”

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Here’s a link to the song that the painting above was based on. I enjoyed listening to the song while viewing the painting http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFSakYc7xhc.

Lyrics to “So He Won’t Break”:
Gone like the wind, And the state it put him in
To hold his head high, When he really wanted to die
And you know the difference it makes,
And you know all that it takes, Is love, so he won’t break
He’s crazy from the pain, And can’t get hurt again
If he ever falls, I’d be sorry for us all
And you know the difference it makes,
And you know all that it takes, Is love, so he won’t break
Right around the way, Is where they go to pay
For remedies and pills, To ease their ills
And you know the difference it makes
And you know all that it takes, Is love, so he won’t break
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And one more of my favorites….
Here’s one more of my favorites…HH
“Perceptions 11” by John Bramblitt
(click here for more info on this artist and painting)
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If you’re appreciating John’s work as much as I am, I encourage you to check out his captivating website by clicking here www.bramblitt.net I’ve found that he is also very gifted at expressing himself with words, and I loved reading all the thought-provoking descriptions that accompany many of his pieces.
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Thank You sharing your beautiful visions John. They are incredible! I feel so grateful to have found your work. You inspire me and give new meaning to the word “blind”.

 

 

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Danny, Annie, & the Ninjas

(published on Valentine’s Day, 2013)


Poor little Love Ninja. So misunderstood! I wonder if she’ll call?

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And here’s another love story titled “Danny & Annie”. I found this one on StoryCorps:
“This remarkable couple personifies the eloquence, grace, and poetry that can be found in the voices of every day people if we take the time to listen. Originally an animation in two parts, here you’ll see a special version that combines both parts of their story.” http://storycorps.org/animation/danny-and-annie/


Happy Valentine’s Day everyone.
I hope your day is filled with Red Ninjas
or whatever it is that makes your heart sing.

 

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Ain’t No Mountain High Enough

I love the music from the Remember The Titans movie. It makes me think of my dad.

I bought him the movie soundtrack years ago, and I have the best memory of the two of us listening to it on one sunny summer day. We were sitting next to each other in lawn chairs, in a big open field, flying my new remote control plane. The music was playing on a little boom box that sat next to us in the grass, and we were having the best of times talking and laughing like kids. We were rookie pilots and kept crashing the plane! We laughed and laughed! Such a wonderful memory.

Miss and love you dad!
This songs for you…

Remember The Titans “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”
My love is alive

Way down in my heart
Although we are miles apart
If you ever need a helping hand
I’ll be there on the double
As fast as I can

Don’t you know that
There ain’t no mountain high enough
Ain’t no valley low enough
Ain’t no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you

 

 

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Adjustable Wings

Slippery, slushy, icy goodness covering Cleveland, Ohio today.

Went for a run this morning and my shoes felt like cold invigorating sponges as they quickly absorbed my neighborhood’s melting wetness. The pavement was so sloppy and slick.

Fun!

I really do love the challenge of running on unstable terrain. I think I love it so much because I enjoy feeling my body adjust to the uncertainty that comes with each next step. Life is such a constant adjustment. Maybe I’m drawn to these little physical adjustments because it gives me more confidence to face other life adjustments that are more difficult for me? I dunno. But regardless, I find it to be fun, so I’ll continue to smile my way through my snowy runs!

During my cool-down walk I got to reflecting more about this. I thought about ice skaters and how they turn the risk and danger of ice into an act of beauty. They see the potential in ice. I too want to see all the potential in this life. These thoughts reminded me to be courageous and seek out the potential in all the wonderfully uncertain environments that life presents to me.

These thoughts also reminded me of Julie. She was a talented ice-skater who competed often as a child. She even traveled on a top-ranked team that competed nationally. Here’s an old pic of her during one of her routines. Makes me smile to look at. Gives me a feeling of peace, freedom, and sense of flight…almost like she has wings.

 

 

 

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