{"id":1190,"date":"2012-09-27T17:42:01","date_gmt":"2012-09-27T21:42:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/blog\/?p=1190"},"modified":"2012-10-12T13:40:22","modified_gmt":"2012-10-12T17:40:22","slug":"wise-cave-dweller","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/blog\/2012\/09\/27\/wise-cave-dweller\/","title":{"rendered":"Wise Cave Dweller"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

What grief is teaching me:
\nIf you can’t change a situation, change how you feel about that situation.
\n<\/em><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

I’m learning how powerful that thought is, and how much it applies to shrinking grief or any other painful or undesirable emotion.\u00a0With these thoughts in mind, the big question then becomes “How<\/em>\u00a0do I change how I feel?”<\/p>\n

I’ve read and reflected quite a bit on this subject. Much of what I’ve read emphasizes the importance of first addressing the “Why?<\/em>“. Determining Why<\/em> it’s important to change a feeling\/behavior will illuminate the individual steps that make up the path to How<\/em>\u00a0I should go about making a desired change.<\/div>\n
.<\/span><\/div>\n
Another really big thing I’ve experienced often, when any kind of change is being observed\/discussed, is how important it is for me to realize that I have a say in what happens to me. And I believe one of the best ways for me to see that “I have a say”, is to look at any situation and determine which variables I have control over<\/em>\u00a0. . .\u00a0<\/strong>then, address these potent variables in a hopeful way.<\/em><\/div>\n
.<\/span><\/div>\n
Example:<\/strong>
\n<\/span><\/div>\n
Can I bring Julie or any loved one “back”?<\/span><\/div>\n
No.<\/em><\/span><\/div>\n
So this is not a controllable variable.<\/span><\/div>\n
.<\/span><\/div>\n
But, can I connect with her love, if and when needed?
\nYes.<\/em><\/span><\/div>\n
So this is a controllable variable (& one that I’ve found to be one of my strongest).<\/span><\/div>\n
.<\/span><\/div>\n
In summary, I’m seeing that grief is teaching me a valuable skill set that applies to so much of life:<\/div>\n
1. Determine WHY I want to change something.<\/span>
\n2. The realization of my WHY, and the resulting tidal wave of positive reinforcement that this brings, will help me meet all the demands related to HOW I go about making a change.<\/span>
\n3. In order for any of this to matter, I have to believe that “I have a say” in my situation\/what I experience. And one of the most empowering ways I’ve found to remind myself that I do have a say, is to look at all of the variables of any situation . . .<\/strong> determine which ones I have control of . . .<\/strong> and then address the controllable ones in a hopeful way.<\/span><\/div>\n
.<\/span><\/div>\n
.<\/span><\/div>\n
Comments on any of the above are welcome.
\nThank you for listening . . .<\/strong> and for sharing any thoughts you have.<\/div>\n
Thanks for listening . . .<\/strong> and for sharing any thoughts you have.<\/span><\/div>\n
What is grief teaching you?<\/strong><\/div>\n
.<\/span><\/div>\n
.<\/span><\/div>\n
.<\/span><\/div>\n
.<\/span><\/div>\n
.<\/span><\/div>\n
\n

~ \u00a0 ~ \u00a0 ~ \u00a0 ~ \u00a0 ~ \u00a0 ~ \u00a0 ~
\nNow on Facebook!\u00a0http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/HoneyIShrunkTheGrief
\n<\/a>Now on Twitter!\u00a0https:\/\/twitter.com\/#!\/EricVaiksnoras
\n<\/a>Check out my book!\u00a0http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/
\n<\/a>Feeling grateful? or feeling low?\u00a0Sign the Thank You Card!<\/a><\/p>\n

click here to return to home page<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  What grief is teaching me: If you can’t change a situation, change how you feel about that situation. I’m learning how powerful that thought is, and how much it applies to shrinking grief or any other painful or undesirable … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[45,119,170,132,129,85,109,13,54,14,44,21,23,22,130,24,136,131,169,12,20,11,57,25],"class_list":["post-1190","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-love-will-find-a-way","tag-a-young-widower-discovers-love-will-find-a-way","tag-all-are-one","tag-cave-dwelling-wise-man","tag-celebrate","tag-death","tag-eric-vaiksnoras","tag-faith","tag-grief","tag-griever","tag-grieving","tag-honey-i-shrunk-the-grief","tag-hope","tag-laugh","tag-live","tag-loss","tag-love","tag-loving-thoughts-and-actions-give-my-life-meaning","tag-mourn","tag-one-of-the-best-teachers-ive-ever-had","tag-widow","tag-widowed","tag-widower","tag-www-honeyishrunkthegrief-com","tag-young-widower"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1190","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1190"}],"version-history":[{"count":29,"href":"https:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1190\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1388,"href":"https:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1190\/revisions\/1388"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1190"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1190"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1190"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}