{"id":353,"date":"2012-03-14T01:53:41","date_gmt":"2012-03-14T05:53:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/?page_id=353"},"modified":"2016-12-13T18:16:31","modified_gmt":"2016-12-13T23:16:31","slug":"ch11-finding-the-fun","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/chapters\/ch11-finding-the-fun\/","title":{"rendered":"Ch11: Finding the Fun"},"content":{"rendered":"

www.HoneyIShrunkTheGrief.com<\/span>
\n \u00a9 2012 Eric Vaiksnoras<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIf it\u2019s not fun, why do it?\u201d<\/strong>
\n.<\/span>~Ben and Jerry\u2019s business motto<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

.<\/span>
\nOddly enough, I\u2019m realizing how the quote above can apply very nicely to everything in my life, including grieving.\u00a0I imagine that may sound totally bizarre, because what\u2019s \u201cfun\u201d about death and grieving?\u00a0Well, I should begin by saying that all the pain and heartbreaking feelings that accompany death are in no way \u201cfun\u201d to me.\u00a0Those are what they are, and while I think they serve an important purpose, \u201cfun\u201d would not be how I would categorize them.\u00a0But what I do see as fun and exciting about grieving is searching for and discovering the pieces of hope and love along the way.\u00a0These day-to-day discoveries continue to brighten the way I see death and life.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m finding how beneficial it can be to search out the fun, no matter what the circumstance.\u00a0I recently had an opportunity to learn from a man named Paul who was quite proficient at seeing the fun in his world.\u00a0This very brave man engages regularly in an activity that, like grieving, is also very extreme. Paul is a professional skydiver.\u00a0I\u2019d like to share an account of the exhilarating day that our paths crossed, and how Paul illustrated to me so perfectly, this idea of the importance of \u201cfinding the fun\u201d.<\/p>\n

.<\/span>
\nThe following took place in June of 2009:<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019m a curious person who likes to experience new things, and I think this curiosity is what drew me to skydiving.\u00a0To further this attraction, I had a cohort who was equally interested \u2014 my adventurous Uncle Steve.<\/p>\n

After years and years (around 20!) of discussing how amazing we thought jumping out of a plane would be, we finally decided it was something that we were going to stop talking about, and actually do!\u00a0This decision was partly inspired by the movie The Bucket List<\/em>, a story about two friends who created a list of meaningful things that they wanted to do before they \u201ckicked the bucket\u201d. My uncle and I watched this wonderful movie together and were inspired to create our own list\u2014and not just any list\u2014but one that included our very own skydiving adventure!<\/p>\n

We made some calls and reserved a spot at a nearby skydiving center.\u00a0My excitement grew with each passing moment.\u00a0Jump day finally arrived, and we met up for breakfast with some supportive family members.\u00a0The mere anticipation of it had our excitement levels off-the-charts.\u00a0I felt like a child about to ride his bike without training wheels for the first time, or experience some other perilous feat equally as grand!<\/p>\n

My motion-sick prone stomach was already hinting at a protest, so I decided to play it safe and order the oatmeal, as that seemed like a good choice being that it was already in throw-up form! We nervously enjoyed our breakfast as we mentally prepared for what we were about to do.\u00a0The moment was filled with such life. We were all wide eyed, and there were lots of big and anxious smiles going around.<\/p>\n

During breakfast my uncle gave me a printout of the lyrics Live Like You Were Dying<\/em>, by Tim McGraw.\u00a0This song fit our adventure so perfectly that we had decided a few weeks earlier that it needed to be the theme song for our jump.\u00a0I had listened to it often as the days grew closer, and the printout of the lyrics couldn\u2019t have been a more perfect gift.\u00a0The following calming and inspiring words from the song played in my head numerous times that morning\u2026
\n.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI went skydiving, I went rocky mountain climbing,<\/em><\/span>
\nI went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.<\/em><\/span>
\nAnd I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,<\/em><\/span>
\nAnd I gave forgiveness I’d been denying.<\/em><\/span>
\nAnd he said: “Some day, I hope you get the chance,<\/em><\/span>
\nTo live like you were dying.\u201d<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201dLike tomorrow was a gift,<\/em><\/span>
\n And you got eternity,<\/em><\/span>
\n To think about what you\u2019d do with it.<\/em><\/span>
\n And what did you do with it?\u201d<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

After breakfast we made the hour-long drive to our jump site that was located in a rural area of Ohio.\u00a0We pulled into the big gravel driveway and parked our cars.\u00a0I looked up to the skies and smiled at the absolutely gorgeous sunny day that surrounded us.\u00a0Our big day had arrived, and Mother Nature couldn\u2019t have been more cooperative.<\/p>\n

We made our way over to the registration window where we each were handed a stack of liability forms to fill out.\u00a0We spent the next 20-30 minutes completing these grueling forms.\u00a0I say \u201cgrueling\u201d because each form highlighted the risk involved in this activity, beginning with page one that was loaded with statistics on how many skydiving accidents and deaths occurred the previous year.\u00a0This was a tough way to start our \u201cfun\u201d adventure.\u00a0Neither one of us was doing this to escape life, rather the exact opposite, but we were being forced to focus on the risks involved so that we would have a better understanding of what we were about to do.\u00a0We made our way through the thought provoking forms and signed our name on the dotted lines, exempting the skydiving center from any liability.<\/p>\n

After turning in our paperwork, we began another nerve-racking process\u2026waiting<\/em>.\u00a0We spent a tension filled hour waiting until it was our turn to board the plane.\u00a0Fortunately, these trying moments were filled with laughter and other welcomed distractions.\u00a0We also passed some time getting fitted for our jumpsuits, which were colorful and thick one-piece zippered suits that fit overtop our clothing.\u00a0We shared a few laughs when I was handed a yellow and pink<\/em> jumpsuit!\u00a0I am 6\u20193\u201d tall, and that was the only jumpsuit they had available in my size.\u00a0Mine didn\u2019t seem as cool as my uncle\u2019s blue and black one, but I decided that in the grand scheme of things, the color of my jumpsuit should be the least of my concerns!<\/p>\n

We waited a little longer in our colorful new attire and then were finally told that we could board the plane.\u00a0We gave each family member that came to cheer us on a great big hug, and exchanged \u201cI love you\u2019s\u201d, then made our way over to the plane.\u00a0I was feeling the strangest mix of excitement and fear.\u00a0I made my way up the short wooden ladder and crouched down as I entered the tiny plane.\u00a0My uncle was sitting a few feet behind me on the long block bench that ran parallel to the body of the plane.\u00a0I was grateful that he was close enough that I could look over my shoulder every once in a while to give or get a reassuring smile or nod.\u00a0We all sat facing forward straddling the bench.\u00a0The tandem instructors we each would be strapped to sat directly behind us and began to make the necessary connections that would allow two people to jump as one.<\/p>\n

.<\/span>
\nThis is where Paul, the brave and insightful man I briefly mentioned at the start, comes back into the story. Paul is the tandem instructor I was paired with.\u00a0He is a tall, middle-aged guy who has a very confident and reassuring presence to him, which I very much appreciated.\u00a0As he was connecting our harnesses together, I was thinking about how intense the situation was, and I soon found myself trying to figure out what his attraction was to it all.\u00a0Curiosity got the best of me, and I looked over my shoulder and asked him, \u201cWhat keeps you coming back?\u201d<\/p>\n

He pondered my question for a few short seconds and replied, \u201cI don\u2019t know, I guess it\u2019s probably some sort of psychological addiction.\u201d<\/p>\n

I thought to myself, Wow, impressive<\/em>. <\/em>I wasn\u2019t expecting such a deep answer.<\/p>\n

Then he added, \u201c<\/em>Mostly, I think I do it because it\u2019s<\/em> fun<\/em>.<\/em>\u201d<\/em>
\n(This\u00a0response of his\u00a0made a big impact on me.\u00a0I will comment on the significance I find in it . . . but first I have a plane to jump out of!)<\/p>\n

.<\/span>
\nPaul finished fastening our harnesses together, as our loud and vibrating plane continued on its 15-minute climb to the proper altitude. This left me with plenty of time to think, and I had the most bizarre range of thoughts\u2014from feeling like I was in some sort of execution line, to feeling like I was about to experience the coolest thing I had ever done.\u00a0I recall being in some strange Zen like trance at times, to try and manage the absurdity of what I was about to do.\u00a0I remained relatively calm and was in a pretty peaceful place, yet at the same time, I was keenly aware of the uncertainty of it all.<\/p>\n

More thoughts raced through my head.<\/p>\n

Is this the end?<\/em>
\nI hope not.<\/em>
\nI feel at peace with my life if it is.<\/em><\/p>\n

I was afraid but comforted by all the love and hope I was feeling.\u00a0I felt Julie with me.\u00a0I felt David with me.\u00a0I felt God with me. I would be ok, no matter what happened.<\/p>\n

We eventually reached the desired altitude, an elevation of approximately 13,600 feet, and Paul and I received the green light from the pilot to proceed to the 5ft-by-5ft door that we would exit out of.\u00a0I was as ready as I would ever be and gave one last nod to my uncle, who would be jumping shortly after I did.\u00a0Paul and I then began to scoot forward, and made a slow and unnatural \u201ctied together\u201d shuffle to the door.<\/p>\n

We finally arrived at the open door.\u00a0As previously instructed, I squatted down on the balls of my feet and carefully inched my way forward until my toes were dangling over the edge.\u00a0I remained crouched down in this position for about a minute-and-a-half(!), while looking out into a breathtaking and dreamlike panorama, as I intensely awaited the go-ahead from the pilot and my tandem partner.\u00a0As the moment of our departure grew closer, part of me felt like a tense cat that wanted to suddenly lunge his arms and legs outward, and hold on for dear life to anything he could hook his long limbs onto.\u00a0Thankfully, I was able to keep this scaredy-cat part of me at bay, and in spite of all my fears, I got lost in the beauty of the moment and kept my cool.
\n.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
\nPreparing to Jump
\n<\/strong>13,600ft.<\/span><\/span>
\n\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

.<\/span>
\nOur moment came and Paul confidently readied us for our leap of faith.\u00a0Just as we had practiced on the ground, he would call out three cues to synchronize our movements in preparation for a clean exit.\u00a0He began with, \u201c<\/em>READY<\/em>,\u201d<\/em> and we slowly rocked forward, leaning our upper bodies slightly out the door.\u00a0Next he called out, \u201c<\/em>SET,<\/em>\u201d<\/em> and we rocked our bodies slightly back inside the plane.\u00a0Then he gave the big and final cue, \u201c<\/em>GO!!<\/em>\u201d,<\/em> and I somehow dug up enough courage to go against every natural instinct I had, and Paul and I rolled forward out of the plane, just as we were supposed to do.
\n.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

.<\/span>
\nIn an instant, I felt the most disoriented sensation I\u2019ve ever experienced\u2014as my body tumbled every which way through the air.\u00a0I let out some sort of soulfully gratifying primal scream, and a few seconds later, the absurd and wonderful chaos soon tapered off, as Paul spread out his arms and legs to stabilize us.\u00a0I spread my arms and legs out as Paul did, and we continued to fall in this position, with our bodies parallel to the ground, for about 60<\/em> seconds. I could feel the rush of the air peeling the skin on my face back.\u00a0The noises were so loud they all seemed to blend together, to the point that it actually seemed quiet.\u00a0And shockingly, I no longer had one ounce of fear\u2014all I felt was pure joy.
\n.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
\nYEEEEEE-HAAAA!!! <\/strong><\/span>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

.<\/span>
\nPaul temporally brought me back to reality when he put his wristwatch like altimeter in front of my face.\u00a0The altimeter is used to determine the distance from the ground, and his was showing that we were less than 5500 feet away, which meant that it was time to open our parachute.\u00a0I quickly reached down to my right hip and pulled the ripcord.\u00a0The parachute opened properly and our bodies got jolted a bit, as the speed in which we were falling was suddenly greatly reduced.\u00a0We would spend the next 5 minutes in what I would describe as \u201ca taste of heaven\u201d.\u00a0My body was so electrified from the excitement of the mile-long freefall that it made this drastically contrasting \u2014 slow, scenic, and gloriously peaceful parachute descent \u2014 feel incredibly euphoric.<\/p>\n

As we approached the ground, Paul instructed me to lift my legs and extend them out in front of me.\u00a0He had total control of our chute, and we came to a soft and seated landing in a grassy field. I was glowing inside like a Griswold Christmas display!\u00a0I thanked Paul over and over again as he disconnected our harness and parachute, and I was so excited that I just kept mumbling random incoherent things!\u00a0I then looked to the sky and got to see my uncle\u2019s final descent . . .
\n.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

.<\/span>
\nHe came to a soft textbook landing about sixty feet in front of me and looked as happy as I\u2019d ever seen him.\u00a0We gave each other a big hug, joined our awaiting family, and tried to make some sense out of the amazing event that just occurred.
\n.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

.
\n.<\/span>
\nAs I look back on my skydiving experience, I see many things that remind me of my grieving journey.\u00a0Both were extreme situations, filled with incredibly intense moments that led to emotions of all kinds.\u00a0Both were managed by my ability to connect with all the hope and love that surround me.\u00a0Both were made more enjoyable by seeking out the fun in the situation.<\/p>\n

In the case of skydiving, Paul is a master of seeking out the fun.\u00a0He is able to do a scary thing, over-and-over again, because he finds the fun<\/em> in the experience<\/em>.<\/em> Framing the experience as fun in his mind allows him to not only tolerate the experience, but to make it so enjoyable that he wants to repeat it over and over again. This speaks volumes to me\u00a0in the power\u00a0of \u201cfinding the fun\u201d.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6<\/strong>
\nClosing Thoughts
\n\u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6
\n.<\/span>
\n<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m seeing that there\u2019s something fun and exciting in everything, even grieving. At the very least, this can come in the form of figuring out how to become friendly with my present moment, and the excitement that is felt as I rise above whatever challenges I\u2019m facing.<\/p>\n

One of the reasons I believe any tough situation can be experienced as enjoyable is because it involves being creative. And as with painting, playing an instrument, drawing, dancing, singing, writing\u2014or any other activity of this kind\u2014being creative is fun because it involves making something good out of pieces and parts.
\n.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

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\"\"
\nLove Will Find A Way<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

..<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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\u201cContinue to strive for your dreams and they will come true.\u201d
\n<\/em><\/strong><\/span>\u201cLive well, Laugh often, Love much.\u201d<\/span>
\n<\/strong><\/em>Julie S. Vaiksnoras (1976-2004)
\n.<\/span>
\n<\/em><\/span>\u201cShine On.\u201d<\/span>
\n<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0Eric Vaiksnoras (1973-\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 )<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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Honey,\u00a0\u00a0I Shrunk The Grief.
\n<\/strong>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/span>\u2665 \u2665 \u2665<\/strong><\/p>\n

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\n<\/span><\/p>\n

~ \u00a0 ~ \u00a0 ~ \u00a0 ~ \u00a0 ~ \u00a0 ~ \u00a0 ~
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\n.<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/strong>and\u00a0before you go\u2026If you\u2019ve connected with any of the content you\u2019ve just read in Chapter 11, please consider posting a response below to share your valuable thoughts and experiences with others.
\n.\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Connect on Twitter: @EricVaiksnoras<\/u><\/a>
\nConnect on Facebook: @HoneyIShrunkTheGrief<\/u><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

www.HoneyIShrunkTheGrief.com \u00a9 2012 Eric Vaiksnoras \u201cIf it\u2019s not fun, why do it?\u201d .~Ben and Jerry\u2019s business motto . Oddly enough, I\u2019m realizing how the quote above can apply very nicely to everything in my life, including grieving.\u00a0I imagine that may … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":219,"menu_order":11,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"sidebar-page.php","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-353","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/353","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=353"}],"version-history":[{"count":158,"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/353\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1670,"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/353\/revisions\/1670"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/219"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=353"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}