{"id":351,"date":"2012-03-14T01:52:48","date_gmt":"2012-03-14T05:52:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/?page_id=351"},"modified":"2016-12-11T06:38:23","modified_gmt":"2016-12-11T11:38:23","slug":"ch10-maintaining-health-soul","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/chapters\/ch10-maintaining-health-soul\/","title":{"rendered":"Ch10: Maintaining Health \/ Soul"},"content":{"rendered":"

www.HoneyIShrunkTheGrief.com<\/span>
\n \u00a9 2012 Eric Vaiksnoras<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLove is the answer for most of the questions in my heart.\u00a0Why are we here?\u00a0And where do we go?\u00a0And how come it\u2019s so hard?\u201d<\/em><\/strong>
\n.<\/span>~Jack Johnson lyrics from Better Together<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

.<\/span>
\nRELIGIOUS \/ SPIRITUAL INFLUENCES:
\n<\/strong><\/em>Before I get into this important and delicate topic, I\u2019d like to preface my thoughts by acknowledging that people of many different backgrounds will likely read this.\u00a0As a result of such diversity, readers will \u2014 very understandably \u2014 come with many different perspectives and beliefs.\u00a0This awareness makes me feel that it\u2019s necessary to begin this chapter by stating the following: I think it\u2019s important to express to you that I view religious differences in a positive light.\u00a0I see them as tremendous opportunities to add to the collective beauty of this world. I share this with you because I want to make it clear that I respect you \u2014 regardless of whatever your religious or spiritual beliefs consist of \u2014 and I hope that you can offer me this same consideration. Having said that, I\u2019d now like to dive right in by asking myself the following challenging questions:<\/p>\n

\u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6
\nWhat is it that convinces me there is a God?
\n<\/em>Am I convinced because of my upbringing? Is it because of the influence of family and others I\u2019m close to? Is it because of societal influences and pressures?\u00a0Do I believe in God because it\u2019s what I believe, or is it because it\u2019s what a select group of others have led me to believe?
\n\u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sure all of the things touched on in the questions above play some part in my beliefs, yet when it comes down to it, I\u2019m going to dare to say that God can\u2019t be proven primarily by the influence of others.\u00a0Well, maybe I should take that back.\u00a0Some people may not have much freedom in what they choose to believe.\u00a0So in cases such as this, I believe religion is, more than anything else, less about what the individual truly believes, and more about what they are told and expected to believe.\u00a0Religion in these circumstances (when choice is not an option) seems to me to be an attempt to serve the particular needs and function of a society more than anything else.<\/p>\n

These thoughts are bringing me to an important point:\u00a0I believe the most ideal religious environments are those that give individuals the freedom to find God on their own.\u00a0The God I believe in is a parental figure who teaches with love, not force.\u00a0As with any relationship, I believe the strongest one I can form with God, is one that is formed under free will.<\/p>\n

I want to create as many opportunities as possible to allow my relationship with God to grow, yet I\u2019m constantly challenged by outside influences that sometimes misuse the power and glory of religion. To me, this is one of the most horrid of sins because it involves the misuse of hope.\u00a0I believe this often occurs unintentionally. Groups of people follow religious laws that were established hundreds of years ago \u2014 so they go unquestioned \u2014 because time has a way of dispensing blindfolds and grandfathering-in things, for better or for worse.<\/p>\n

These thoughts are at the root of some of the most challenging personal reflections I have regarding the subject of religion. When should I just accept and have faith? And when should I challenge religious views that don\u2019t feel right? \u2014 views that feel more like they are satisfying an agenda of man, rather than spreading the love of God.<\/p>\n

.<\/span>
\nI\u2019d like to shift gears here, because I don\u2019t want to focus on the confusing parts of religion, because there are so many glorious parts!\u2014but I suppose I needed to mention some of the discomfort I feel, to most accurately answer the question I initially posed…
\nWhat is it that convinces me there is a God?<\/em><\/p>\n

Oddly enough, one thing that helps to convince me there is a God, is the fact that I believe there is a God.\u00a0I believe my perceptions, my beliefs, are incredibly powerful \u2013 so powerful in fact that it makes me wonder if my perception of God makes God real, simply because I have the perception \u2014 simply because I believe in the perception. Here\u2019s a quote that reminds me of all this:
\n\u201cWhether you think you can, or you think you can\u2019t \u2014 you\u2019re right.” ~<\/i>Henry Ford (1863-1947)<\/p>\n

Can God exist, can a heavenly afterlife exist, simply because I believe it does?\u00a0Simply because I will it<\/em> to be?\u00a0Am I in a sense creating God, by simply allowing God to exist in me?\u00a0Is believing<\/em> the only requirement that God asks of me?
\nBelieving seems to work about as well as anything I can think of when it comes to great occurrences in this physical word. Does the powerful act of believing carry over into a spiritual afterlife too?\u00a0These types of questions fascinate me.<\/p>\n

I do believe.\u00a0But is the fact that I believe, and my hunch that what I believe actually plays a large role in where I go, strong enough to convince me that there is a God? I\u2019m not quite sure. I know I can say that those thoughts feel like a very strong contributing factor, but I think more is involved.<\/p>\n

A peaceful thought just came to my mind.\u00a0I think what convinces me most is what I feel in my heart.\u00a0The tiny, yet big, part of my heart that remains untouched by human desires and influence. I believe within this spot, exists a spark of God that is an integral part of me. I believe this spark, though not boisterous and flashy, is very accessible and tangible.\u00a0It\u2019s a soft guiding light that is as pure as anything I\u2019ve ever felt. It glows when I do something godly.\u00a0It glows when I help someone, when I put others first.\u00a0It glows when I smile.\u00a0It glows when I love others.\u00a0It glows when I let others love me.\u00a0It glows when I\u2019m surrounded by the beauty of nature \u2014 when I\u2019m walking on a dirt trail in the park and have to stop in awe to look at the rays of golden sunshine piercing through the trees.\u00a0It glows when I see the majesty of a rainbow, when I hear a cat purr, when I hear a child laugh. It glows when I move my body, when I run, as fast as I can, and my heart is pounding, and I\u2019m sweating, and my feet can barely keep up with how fast my soul is moving.\u00a0It glowed when I witnessed my son being born. He came into the world crying and full of life, and was placed on my wife\u2019s chest, where he was comforted by her soft and loving touch. I will forever be spellbound by the thought of the miracle that took place that day.\u00a0Five months later it glowed when my wife died.\u00a0I\u2019ve never felt so close to God as I did at that time.\u00a0Its glowing light gave me hope during a hopeless time.<\/p>\n

All of this tells me that there is more to my existence than this physical life.\u00a0All of this tells me there is something really great to look forward to after my time here on Earth is over. All of this tells me that I don\u2019t have to fear death; death is just an illusion.<\/p>\n

I will continue on.\u00a0And this isn\u2019t something that stems from me being afraid of the thought of \u201cthis being it\u201d or \u201cdeath being the end\u201d, because that doesn\u2019t worry me. Even if this physical life was all there ever was, and my entire being died along with my physical body, I would still be very okay with that.\u00a0Why?\u00a0Because I feel very satisfied and content knowing that my love will forever remain in those that I touched during my time here, and thus will become a part of everything that they touched, too (as I was witness\u00a0of when Julie died).\u00a0So the thought of this being the end doesn\u2019t frighten me, because I\u2019m already certain that the influence I have on others during my time here, in itself, is everlasting life.\u00a0But, I believe there is even much more than that.\u00a0I know it deep down in my heart where that spark resides.\u00a0That place that I believe is the holiest place of my being; here is where I know that God does indeed exist.\u00a0And in that spark I am made aware of what God is \u2014 God is Love.\u00a0In that spark I am also made aware that I will always be OK<\/em>, <\/em>because God, because Love, will always find a way<\/em>.<\/p>\n

This belief is as grand as they come. It gives me infinite strength because I know that I am a small, but mighty, extension of God.\u00a0God is with me. God is in me.\u00a0God is teaching me \u2014 through my actions and reactions \u2014 how to shine bright and make his presence known.<\/p>\n

In conclusion, what convinces me that there is a God?
\nLove.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

DATING \/ RELATIONSHIPS:
\n<\/em><\/strong>\u201cLife is a celebration of relationships.\u201d
\n<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0 ~Leo Buscaglia (1924-1998)<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Dating certainly has played a role in the health of my soul.\u00a0It plays a significant part in fulfilling one of my soul\u2019s most basic needs \u2014 the need to connect with others.<\/p>\n

Dating is exciting.\u00a0Dating is possibility.\u00a0Dating is fun.\u00a0I\u2019ve also found that dating can be scary, overwhelming, consuming, confusing, and lead to great heartache. Here are some of my strengths and weaknesses that have contributed to it all:<\/p>\n

\u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6
\n<\/span><\/i>My strengths as a widower:
\n<\/em>I experienced a really dreamy love affair with Julie, a love story that will certainly continue until I take my last breath \u2014 and will exist in some capacity beyond that too.\u00a0But where does that leave me now? I know exactly where it leaves me.\u00a0It leaves me in a great and hopeful place. Why?\u00a0Because I am filled with her love, AND, I have the ability to welcome more love into my life.\u00a0There is always room for more love; the only ceiling that will ever exist when it comes to love, is a self-imposed one, which I will avoid creating because why would I want to try to limit my ability to love? My heart and soul is capable of an infinite amount of giving and receiving.<\/p>\n

My weakness as a widower:
\n<\/em>Julie. I am still in love with her.<\/p>\n

Some dating strengths:
\n<\/em>I like to connect with people.\u00a0I feel the most wonderful energy when I\u2019m deeply engaged with another. I am truly interested in others, and I think others are attracted to me because they can tell I genuinely care about them and what they have to say.<\/p>\n

Some dating weaknesses:
\n<\/em>I compare other women to Julie. And I\u2019m a hopeful, passionate, excitable person who wants to make everything work.
\n\u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Like everyone else, I come with some lovable attributes and some difficult ones too.\u00a0I believe this is what makes dating such an exciting experience.\u00a0Two people coming together, each with unique strengths and vulnerabilities, and each with potentially very different expectations of the goal of the time spent together.\u00a0Some daters are just looking for casual company and enjoyable moments together.\u00a0For other daters, it\u2019s much more about finding \u201cthe one\u201d.\u00a0I have found myself at different points along this spectrum.\u00a0I\u2019ve also found myself feeling peaceful and confident one minute and completely confused the next.\u00a0Dating can be quite an adventure!<\/p>\n

Are you supposed to patiently wait for the butterfly to land on your shoulder?\u00a0Are you supposed to accelerate the process by putting little drops of organic honey on your shoulder?\u00a0Are you supposed to chase the elusive butterfly and capture it in a huge net?!\u2026then offer it organic honey?\u00a0And do butterfly\u2019s even like organic honey?
\nWhere\u2019s the dating instruction book?! That\u2019s what I would like to know.<\/p>\n

I find that dating can be exhausting, particularly Internet dating.\u00a0I have found it to be such a wonderful tool to connect with people that I would have otherwise never had the chance to meet, but the exhausting part for me comes from the fact that it all happens at such an accelerated pace.\u00a0It feels unnatural to me largely because there are just so many opportunities.\u00a0Similar opportunities are presented at one time or another in my everyday life, but at a much slower pace.\u00a0Online, things happen so quickly! This can feel good and flattering, but I find that it can get to be too much.\u00a0There are too many things to keep up with \u2014 new profiles to read, old ones to re-consider, heartfelt messages received that warrant a response, new messages to create to express interest.\u00a0It all takes a tremendous amount of energy, and I\u2019ve found it can lead to unhealthy feelings of racing inside me; racing to keep up with it all.\u00a0I can get so occupied with not wanting to miss out on someone great that I start to miss out on all the great already in my life. Therefore I found it helpful to take breaks from Internet dating when I needed to re-balance.<\/p>\n

Although dating exhausts me at times, as a whole, I really do enjoy the experience.\u00a0The anticipation on the way to a first date is often tension filled, yet so incredibly exciting!\u00a0I can compare it to how I felt being in my high school chemistry lab, where I used to love mixing different chemicals together to see how they would react. Would the chemicals exist in harmony, complimenting one another, changing each other in a desirable way?\u00a0Would nothing happen?\u00a0Would there be a noisy, bubbly, and volatile reaction? I love all the possibility-filled unknowns of dating.<\/p>\n

Now more than ever, the dad in me recognizes that with possibility comes the need to be responsible.\u00a0So what are my responsibilities when it comes to dating? Tough question, but one that I think is worth exploring. Here are some thoughts that come to mind:<\/p>\n

\u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6
\n<\/span><\/i>I have a responsibility to offer the best of myself to the person I\u2019m dating. I have the responsibility to maintain my health \u2014 my mind, body, and soul \u2014 so that I will be operating from a stable place, increasing my ability to make health enhancing decisions for myself and for all involved.\u00a0I have the responsibility of loving myself and of allowing others to love me.\u00a0I have the responsibility to listen to my heart, so I can be true to myself.
\n\u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6<\/span><\/i>
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

In spite of any hardships that have come from dating, I haven\u2019t given up. I still think it\u2019s all a very worthwhile venture.\u00a0I still have faith in myself;\u00a0I still have faith in love.\u00a0Love will find a way.\u00a0It always does.<\/p>\n

Annnnd, I\u2019m happy to announce that I have a plan to assist love. There are two parts to my plan. The first part involves organic honey(!). The second part involves continuing to build a better me.\u00a0A more balanced mind, body, and soul directly equates to a Me that has a greater ability to love myself, love others, and to be loved.\u00a0The more I am able to create a paradise within myself, the more attractive\/attracted I become to someone who\u2019s created her own paradise. <\/em>I\u2019m certain that I will get it right again someday.\u00a0Until then, I will continue to connect with all the love that is already in my life.\u00a0I am surrounded by love. I will be just fine.<\/p>\n

.<\/span>
\nThese dating reflections come at the tail end of the four Maintaining Health<\/em> chapters.\u00a0I\u2019m happy to have these thoughts conclude these chapters because they remind me of one of the most important reasons for all this \u201ctaking care of myself\u201d stuff: I\u2019m built for others<\/em>.<\/p>\n

This awareness is especially valuable to me because it motivates me to be more, for all<\/em> the relationships in my life.\u00a0Therefore, maintaining my health is truly a giant act of love, given as a gift to anything or anyone I come in contact with.\u00a0Life is made up of one big glorious relationship.\u00a0All are one.\u00a0Caring for myself, loving myself, is invaluable because not only is it a fantastic grief reliever, it also allows me to fulfill my greatest role in life \u2014 loving the world around me.<\/p>\n

.<\/span><\/p>\n

.<\/span><\/p>\n

.<\/span><\/p>\n

~ \u00a0 ~ \u00a0 ~ \u00a0 ~ \u00a0 ~ \u00a0 ~ \u00a0 ~
\nClick here to continue to the final chapter (Chapter 11)<\/a>, but before you go\u2026
\nIf\u00a0you\u2019ve\u00a0connected with any of the content you\u2019ve just read in Chapter\u00a010, please consider posting a response below to share your valuable thoughts and experiences with others.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Click here to order the newly released full-color paperback version of this book<\/u><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

.<\/span>
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www.HoneyIShrunkTheGrief.com \u00a9 2012 Eric Vaiksnoras \u201cLove is the answer for most of the questions in my heart.\u00a0Why are we here?\u00a0And where do we go?\u00a0And how come it\u2019s so hard?\u201d .~Jack Johnson lyrics from Better Together . RELIGIOUS \/ SPIRITUAL INFLUENCES: … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":219,"menu_order":10,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"sidebar-page.php","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-351","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/351","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=351"}],"version-history":[{"count":49,"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/351\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1634,"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/351\/revisions\/1634"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/219"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=351"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}