{"id":338,"date":"2012-03-14T01:45:50","date_gmt":"2012-03-14T05:45:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/?page_id=338"},"modified":"2016-12-11T06:41:30","modified_gmt":"2016-12-11T11:41:30","slug":"ch4-giving-help","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/chapters\/ch4-giving-help\/","title":{"rendered":"Ch4: Giving Help"},"content":{"rendered":"

www.HoneyIShrunkTheGrief.com<\/span>
\n \u00a9 2012 Eric Vaiksnoras<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cStrange is our situation here upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to a\u00a0divine\u00a0purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: That we are here for the sake of others…for the countless unknown souls with whose fate we are connected by a bond of sympathy. Many times a day, I realize how much my outer and inner life is built upon the labors of people, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to\u00a0give\u00a0in return as much as I have received.\u201d
\n.<\/span><\/em><\/strong><\/span>~Albert Einstein (1879-1955)<\/span>
\n.
\n<\/span>
\n<\/em>Giving is such an incredible gift for everyone involved.\u00a0It\u2019s one of the most powerful things I\u2019ve felt in this world and has been one of my biggest sources of relief and healing. I attribute much of this to the fact that giving involves putting others before myself.\u00a0This act is freeing.\u00a0Giving takes the focus away from me; it opens my eyes and ever so gracefully causes me to surrender to life.\u00a0It connects me to my world, gives me purpose, and fills me with peace and love. Among numerous other positive things, the result is freedom from whatever life stressors I\u2019m experiencing.<\/p>\n

My largest outlet for giving throughout my widowed years has been my role as a Dad because parenting requires constant giving. And even though being an actively involved single parent is exhausting at times, being a Dad has been, without question, one of my greatest joys. As\u00a0with any other kind of giving I\u2019ve experienced, the rewards of parenting are hardly a one sided endeavor.\u00a0 The constant giving also results in constant receiving.<\/p>\n

Writing this book has also been a huge source of giving for me.\u00a0I\u2019ve never taken on a writing project of this magnitude before, and I\u2019ve found it to be far from easy, but I carried on because this book has always been about much more than meeting my needs.\u00a0I have been extremely motivated by the fact that this project is a way for me to give back, a way to share in this journey with others, and a way for me to help create a rainbow in the midst of a storm.\u00a0Overcoming the struggles involved in writing this book is a perfect example for me of how the act of putting others before myself is a powerful fuel that can be used to get through the most challenging of situations.<\/p>\n

Another form in which I have given has come by way of volunteering to coach two of David\u2019s sports teams.\u00a0Coaching has provided me a wonderful opportunity to bond with my son and other children new to sports.\u00a0The 2-10 year old young athletes I\u2019ve worked with have brought so much energy and life to my days; children\u2019s carefree and joyous spirits are contagious!<\/p>\n

Coaching also leaves me with a very satisfying \u201ccompleting the cycle\u201d feeling.\u00a0I was very involved in sports as a child, and most of the coaches I had growing up were such wonderful male figures in my life. So it\u2019s a most fulfilling feeling to give back while having the opportunity to play such an important role in the children\u2019s lives; one where I can strive to be that same positive influence that my coaches were to me.<\/p>\n

\"\"
\nCelebrating after our first game<\/strong> <\/span>
\nJune 2009<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"
\nPre-game talk with, David, my mighty 3rd<\/sup> baseman!
\n<\/strong>.
\n<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I also continue to share in another volunteer experience that involves my son; one that\u2019s very unique. Since David was 4 years old, we have been hospice volunteers. This typically takes place once a week at a local nursing home where we are assigned one or two hospice residents to visit. Our main duty is simply to be with the residents and their families during this very challenging time; to offer support and comfort during a loved one\u2019s final days of life.<\/p>\n

Our initial volunteer coordinator, who assigned our hospice residents to us, was witness to the special things that occurred during our visits.\u00a0Along the same lines as \u201cart therapy\u201d, \u201cpet therapy\u201d, or \u201cmusic therapy\u201d, she called our form of resident support: \u201cchild therapy\u201d. The presence of a young child brings an instant and heartwarming comfort, even in the most dire of circumstances. It truly is a magical occurrence to behold.<\/p>\n

To give you a better idea of it all, I\u2019d like to share a couple of hospice items with you. The first is an article I was asked to write for our monthly hospice newsletter. Every month one of the volunteers was picked to write a short account of their experiences. When it was my turn, this is what I wrote:<\/p>\n

.<\/span>
\nThere\u2019s So Much Life in Death<\/em><\/span><\/strong>
\n August 2009<\/span><\/p>\n

My five year old son and I find it incredibly rewarding to be hospice volunteers.\u00a0We really enjoy supporting the residents and families who are faced with death.\u00a0My 27 year old wife passed unexpectedly from cardiomyopathy a few months after the birth of our son, and since that time I have been especially drawn to things that help me to see all the life in death.\u00a0This is such a wonderfully complex challenge, but to me it all boils down to learning to see the infinite power of love.\u00a0\u201cLove will find a way\u201d is one of my favorite sayings.\u00a0When my son and I visited with Joe, Chuck, or now with Kathleen\u2014I see love finding a way.<\/span><\/p>\n

I am so grateful my son can take part in this volunteer work with me.\u00a0It\u2019s easy to see that the residents we visit enjoy his company.\u00a0Their faces light up as soon as they see him!\u00a0Whether we\u2019re all reading together, telling each other about our latest adventures, or exploring something else that\u2019s fun to do, the time seems to fly by! I treasure the time I spend with my son during these visits.\u00a0He is usually sitting on my lap, and we are free from cell phones, emails, video games, etc. It\u2019s just the three of us spending special time together, and the rest of the world is put on hold.<\/span><\/p>\n

I also appreciate the dialogue and growth that these experiences have created for my son and me.\u00a0Together, we are both learning about the wonders of giving.\u00a0The times that I give my love to others are the times that I feel closest to my purpose.\u00a0And we are both seeing time and time again how death can physically separate us from another but how There\u2019s So Much Life in Death, because Love is forever present, and Love will find a way.
\n.<\/span>
\n<\/span>\u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6
\nHere’s the 2nd item, a portion of an email I wrote to a friend describing one of our hospice visits:
\n\u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6.<\/span><\/p>\n

David and I went to the nursing home tonight for a hospice visit and made the most wonderful discovery! We found out by accident that one of the ladies that we\u2019ve been visiting with for months loves balloons!!! One of the residents had a birthday, and there were a couple of colorful balloons that had drifted over on the floor near our resident\u2019s seat. I picked one up and batted it in the air to David, and we played for a little bit hitting it back and forth\u2026and the ladies in the room were getting a kick out of it\u2026well then\u00a0surprisingly, our resident motioned for the balloon! I tapped it her way and she swatted it back like a pro!!! \u00a0She remained in her chair and David and I circled up\u2026and the three of us had a fantastic time hitting it around to each other! And on top of it all, I could not believe how quick she was!\u2026she still has some lightning fast reflexes!!! It was really shocking to be honest. I\u2019ve watched her struggle and struggle when trying to eat and then here she was hitting this balloon around like a cat swatting at a bird\u2026.it was truly amazing to see! I told David\u00a0afterwards\u00a0at dinner, \u201cThat just goes to show you that everyone has something that will excite them and bring them to life\u2026the trick is trying to find it!\u201d. Before we left our resident asked if we could play with balloons again sometime! I\u2019m so excited!!!!! Oh, and we got another of the residents involved too\u2026she was smiling ear to ear\u2026.I can\u2019t even tell you how much fun today\u2019s visit was!!!<\/span><\/p>\n

.
\n.<\/span>
\nNot only do we form meaningful relationships with the hospice residents we\u2019re assigned to, but we\u2019ve also become close friends with other nursing home residents we\u2019ve met during our visits. I actually consider my friends at the nursing home to be some of the greatest friends I have.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I leave the best of myself inside that nursing home; but because of Giving\u2019s boomerang type effect, I always leave feeling more complete than when I arrived, and I absolutely love that it\u2019s something so special I can do with my son.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6<\/p>\n

As a widower, I\u2019ve also had the opportunity to give on Julie\u2019s behalf. This has taken place on numerous occasions. Here\u2019s a letter that describes one of them.\u00a0It\u2019s a note I received from a dear family friend, in September of 2004:
\n.<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/span>Dear Eric, <\/span><\/p>\n

Thank you so very much for thinking of me.\u00a0I absolutely love Julie\u2019s red and blue fleece that you gave to me.\u00a0What a comfort it has been.\u00a0Thank you too for the silver ring.\u00a0What a treasured keepsake.\u00a0I truly feel honored that you thought of me in such a special way.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I hope classes are going well at KSU.\u00a0If I can help in any way please let me know.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

John and I both enjoyed your visit.\u00a0David is a joy!\u00a0You and your families must be doing something right.\u00a0He sure is a happy baby!! Please give him a hug from me.<\/span><\/p>\n

Say Hi to your family and Julie\u2019s too.\u00a0I so miss her. Please take care and keep in touch.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sincerely, <\/span>
\nSue
\n.<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

It feels incredibly good whenever I\u2019m able to share special pieces of Julie with others.\u00a0I think this kind of giving feels so healing to me because it is yet another reminder of how Julie\u2019s love lives on.<\/p>\n

The greatest example of giving on Julie\u2019s behalf that I can think of was carrying out her wishes to be an organ donor.\u00a0Here are portions of two letters I saved that explain the result of each donation:<\/p>\n

LifeBanc<\/strong><\/span>
\nOrgan Donation in Support of Life
\n<\/em>April 7, 2004\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Dear Mr. Vaiksnoras,<\/span>
\nOn behalf of LifeBanc, I would like to express my condolences on the loss of your wife, Julie.\u00a0Our thoughts are with you.\u00a0The tissues donated will provide many people with an improved quality of life through transplantation.\u00a0I would like to let you know the outcome of the donation.<\/span><\/p>\n

Lifebanc was able to recover tissue for transplantation.<\/span><\/p>\n

The bone tissue that was recovered will be transplanted into patients who require corrective surgery for injuries or bone tumors.\u00a0In some cases, this will prevent amputation of a limb.<\/span><\/p>\n

.<\/span>
\n\u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6
\nand the 2nd donation letter…
\n\u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6\u00a0 \u25e6
\n.<\/span><\/p>\n

CLEVELAND EYE BANK<\/span><\/strong>
\nApril 9, 2004<\/span><\/p>\n

Dear Mr. Vaiksnoras,<\/span>
\nWe wish to express our sympathy to you and your family in the loss of your wife, Julie Vaiksnoras.<\/span><\/p>\n

Your decision to share the gift of sight was a compassionate and generous one.\u00a0We hope it will be of comfort to you to know that two people are able to see again because of this very special gift.
\n<\/span>.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n


\n<\/span>Reading these letters always takes my breath away and usually leaves me a crying wet mess. I release tears of everything; concentrated drops of sorrow, joy, pain, love, and peace\u2014lots of peace.<\/p>\n

In conclusion, I\u2019m seeing my life as one that\u2019s being lived for others, and the more I live it in that way, the better I feel.\u00a0It\u2019s not about me; I\u2019m the tiniest little speck in an enormous universe.\u00a0It\u2019s about the significant role I play in connecting with it all.\u00a0And oddly enough, the kind of unselfish thinking that often has me giving of myself, is giving me the world.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

.<\/span><\/p>\n

.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

~ \u00a0 ~ \u00a0 ~ \u00a0 ~ \u00a0 ~ \u00a0 ~ \u00a0 ~
\nClick here to continue to the next chapter (Chapter 5)<\/a>, but before you go\u2026
\nIf\u00a0you\u2019ve\u00a0connected with any of the content you\u2019ve just read in Chapter 4, please consider posting a response below to share your valuable thoughts and experiences with others.<\/em>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Click here to order the newly released full-color paperback version of this book<\/u><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

.<\/span>
\nNow on Facebook!
\nhttp:\/\/www.facebook.com\/HoneyIShrunkTheGrief
\n<\/a>Now on Twitter!
\nhttps:\/\/twitter.com\/#!\/EricVaiksnoras<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

www.HoneyIShrunkTheGrief.com \u00a9 2012 Eric Vaiksnoras \u201cStrange is our situation here upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to a\u00a0divine\u00a0purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":219,"menu_order":4,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"sidebar-page.php","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-338","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/338","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=338"}],"version-history":[{"count":80,"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/338\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1640,"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/338\/revisions\/1640"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/219"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com\/book\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=338"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}